Taking Time

School has started. So has dance class and grad classes. Gymnastics has increased to sometimes 12 hours a week. In a household with two teacher parents, this time of year hits like a flash flood, landslide, avalanche, you get the point. It takes us from a slow lackadaisical existence and flings us straight into the grind.

In the past month, every one of us has had a moment of anxiety over the idea that we don't have enough hours in our day to just get lost in an unstructured abyss of something we love. We have always lived by the rule that you must make time for the important things. With our schedules busier than ever, it feels more like we are taking time rather than making time. The difference is that taking time feels more intentional than simply rearranging our schedule. It means excluding things from our lives that we do by habit instead of intention. Taking time means saying no.

No, I'm not going to work for the after school program this year. I am going to use that extra hour to drive to an open country trail and go for a recharging run. Nope, I am not going to spend time on my homework tonight. I am going to go to that really cool outdoor concert with my mom. No, we aren't going to dedicate an hour to meal prep and eat at home. We are going on a hike and dinner will be peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and whatever portable food we can throw into a bag in the next 5 minutes. No, we will not sit and watch everyone's lessons. These lessons are because you love them, not because you are showing off for us. Instead, we are going to grab some coffees and baked goods and read for fun or people watch at the local coffee shop until your lesson is over.

Our in the grind daily life takes extreme focus. We work towards specific goals that are important and necessary. But it is just as important for us to step back and unravel. Taking time in small amounts allows us to step out of the grind and revitalize, so when we jump back in the grind we are able to see why we initially chose our activities, jobs, classes, etc., in the end, making them feel more like engagements than obligations.

Fire Pits and Slowing Down

We have had an amazing summer! We kicked off June by spending a week at the husband’s grandparents’ old farmhouse in northeastern Iowa. What it lacked in amenities (plumbing, Wi-Fi, etc.) was made up for by time spent exploring the beautiful acreage with family we don’t get to see often enough. It was a chance to just slow down. To sit in one spot, face to face, swapping stories and deepening connections.

While we were in Iowa, I read My Life on the Road by Gloria Steinem which not only mentions the fascinating Effigy Mounds that we coincidentally toured near the Mississippi, but also the importance of talking circles. I began to take notice. Mornings when everyone wanders into the kitchen checking in over coffee. Afternoons spent in mismatched chairs catching up with cousins, aunts, uncles, and siblings.

Talking circles are by far our family’s favorite when they are around a fire pit. We took a three week camping trip from the Midwest to the East Coast. Every night our family and hundreds of other families would gather around fire pits in various configurations laughing and carrying-on, never running out of things to say. When we returned home the fire pit was still in our blood, so we began smaller over-nights at nearby campgrounds.

As the four of us (two students, two teachers) dive back into school we face tight schedules, deadlines, homework, and navigating others’ expectations. As a family we are brainstorming ways in which to weave bits of our summer’s happiness into what we call our “real lives” (although it is easy to argue that our real lives are the ones that happen when we are left to our own devices).

Making time for true talking circles (business meetings and TV watching don’t count) -in backyard fire pits, family dinners, coffee dates, or over donuts or burritos or beers- is one way we can streamline more meaning into our lives. As with any new habit the first fifty or so tries will have to be purposeful in their action, but with time and practice we hope talking circles will just be a part of our more meaningful “real lives”.

  

The family farm in Iowa. Fire pit in front, cozy kitchen inside.